🇬🇧 From shyness to comfortable freedom

Since I was 9 I was too shy even to answer the roll call at school. I had a problem with a ridiculous teacher and some negligence from my mother the previous year, then my family put me in a new school, and I showed strong signs of trauma. Two years later I was in another school, where I studied until I finish high school. The two first years in this school I barely left the classroom. I controlled some signs of trauma I had in the previous school, but the first year the man who came to close all doors during the interval told me everyday to leave, sometimes telling me that if some objects of my colleagues disappeared the fault would be mine. I always answered nothing would disappear. In fact, nothing disappeared. The second year I left and sit in front of the classroom. And started making friends, I don’t remember how.

I decided I wanted to study advertising when I was 16 as my family put me in a course for models and I discovered my talent to write advertising content. But I worked for my family and they didn’t allow me to live in another city to study. Since I noticed I had a talent more than simply talent to have good grades at school - which is not useful in professional life - I became a bit more confident.

In Brazil we have a test called vestibular to enter the university. I tried it twice at the university in my town, trying the course that had more candidates, so, it was the harder to be approved: medicine. I had no will to become a medical doctor. It was my way to sign I didn’t want to study there. I didn’t study, so... I wasn’t approved.

Next year I tried business administration, much easier to enter, much closer to my goal to have my own communication agency. I was approved effortlessly. And I decided to give a step ahead to cure my traumas, starting to answer the roll call. I was able to do this in a low voice. If my colleagues were quiet, the teacher could hear me.

Once I was invited to make a speech for a group of people and as it was for a small group, I accepted. But it was a hot day and the fans used to refresh the room were noisy. It was the first time in my life I had to use a microphone. I trembled and it hadn’t a support. A gentle guy noticed that and stood by my side holding the microphone, so, I calmed my mind again. And so... I was myself again, no trauma to carryover.

Along life I evolved a lot, being able to achieve goals that were impossible for the adolescent I was. And every time I see someone saying how hard their lives are I observe my life and see hard is different from impossible. Many times good things happened quickly, in other situations I had to be patient, but what was important for me happened, naturally. Am I lucky? If luck is built through choices and actions, as I think it is, yes I am. If this is the kind of luck you believe you’re welcome to this world.

Nycka, the nomad

🇬🇧 About references

I was listening to Nightwish’s song “The phantom of the opera” tonight and I was reminded of why I moved from the city I was born: to enrich my cultural level. To live experiences that city couldn’t offer me.

Nightwish was among the first bands I discovered in this wonderful world called internet. It was through a “place” called Napster, that time, many years ago.

In the city I was born my musical universe was limited to pop rock, axé, forró, pagode, sertanejo (brazilian country music), and the soundtrack of brazilian soap operas. I also discovered Iron Maiden, Metallica and Helloween (metal bands) and Soul Asylum still living there, but it wasn’t through mass media. Only my cousin knew these bands and nobody else in my network. 

That same epoch that I discovered Nightwish (1999/2000) I used to enter chats to talk to other people. Usually I asked about what kind of music they used to listen to. It’s curious that all people who told me they were “eclectic” had a musical universe as limited as mine was in the city I was born. They had a very poor musical universe and talked as if it was enormous. They were ignorant about their own ignorance.

I have a few friends who chose to live in a very limited universe. I prefer to develop friendships and other relationships - professional ones more than all - with people who choose continuous improvement, to expand their inner universe the more they can. People like myself, who are never ashamed to ask for help, nor to ask questions or to express their opinions. I made this choice because most of the accommodated people usually feel offended by any comments outside their universe. And I have zero patience with mediocre people who chose mediocrity, the “easiest” path, and feel offended by anything someone with a wider and deeper inner universe mentions.

I prefer to admire beauty people who appreciate their own beauty, develop a unique style (with my professional advice), loves to travel, cultivate critical sense and learn something from each experience. Even listening to a song like “The Phantom of the Opera”. Maybe I prefer Nightwish to many popular artists because their lyrics are meaningful. Many artists are too shallow. Musical choices have a meaning.
To ask for qualified help is not a sign of stupidity. Not to know about something is not a shame if you want to learn about that and values really the resources to find the knowledge you want. To embrace ignorance or try to follow the “easier” or “cheaper” path is a shame. To embrace ignorance and feel oppressed is a shame. Each richness have a price. Are you ready to pay the price to get what you want?

Nycka, the nomad 

🇬🇧 The value of the truth

Not everyone are ready to listen to the truth, to the true opinion of other people. These individuals usually don’t speak their truth for habit or fear of being rejected. Along life I learned to be true to myself, at the same time I respect others, but respect is different from act as if I agreed with their attitudes. It’s more something like it happens in the book “The little Prince”, where the boy travel from one world to the other and when people are not open to pay attention to his individuality, he departs. In the story he only found one world where the person he met was in a big world, possibly a metaphor to an open mind. 

Some people believe it’s rude to say a gift have some feature we don’t appreciate or any other thing that maybe will hurt the feelings of someone. I believe any person committed to self-improvement will receive well any kind of sincere feedback. Of course some people will suffer - those who consider themselves the victims of a world where nothing goes right for them. But to lie is worse, I think. For example, imagine you were invited to visit someone. There, the person offers you a piece of cake. You eat, but you don’t appreciate. Your face will express what you felt. But even if the person doesn’t notice the message in your face, I believe it can be useful to say that for your taste that cake wasn’t really good. There is the right way to tell this diminishing the risk to hurt the feelings of that person, although the risk will always exist if her self-esteem is too low. Why do I believe it’s good to tell my opinion? Because it avoids the other person to offer me a second time something I didn’t appreciate at first. It creates limits in a way the other people must respect them. Without these limits clearly communicated it’s hard to deal with other people. It’s too easy to hurt and to be hurt without this. At least this is my experience.
Is a company that doesn’t listen to its employees able to listen to its customers? Is a company like that able to be innovative? I don’t think so, because this company didn’t build a culture for innovation nor a brand guided to put this in practice in every detail.

Nycka, the nomad

🇬🇧 Hairvolution

My hair is naturally black, heavy and straight. During my adolescence it was a kind of curtain that helped me to hide my face. My family used to say I was ugly and as I saw nothing wrong with my body, the insecurities went all to my face. I imagined it was my face the ugly part of me.

Once I was watching the news on TV and the journalist, Fatima Bernardes, had a short haircut I considered very charming. I said I’d love to have a haircut like that. My aunt, who was sat close to me, told me the only beautiful thing about me was my hair, and completed “if you cut your hair, what will remain?”.

My hair was always the same thing. I couldn’t style it because it was as if it had a life not commanded by my will. Once, a friend of my mother invited us to her wedding. I spent all the afternoon with the hairstylist to style my long hair to the celebration. He used lots of powerful products to make my hair curly for the wedding. I left the place only to dress myself and go to the church. It was a catholic wedding. In the end of the ceremony, before the party, my hair was straight again!!! And with tons of hair gel in it!!! Do you remember Harry Potter, who had his hair cut to wake up next morning with the same old haircut? Mine was quicker to return to the old style. 

Some years later I had my hair cut close to the shoulders (circa 15cm less than the normal length). It was horrible. The volume became enormous! I think volume is charming for curly hair. For straight one, mine was good as it was in the normal length. Then I left it grow. The hairstylist who cut was tenant of my grandmother. I imagine she asked him to do the worst thing he could. Even when I cut my hair alone by the first time and without technical knowledge or proper scissors, eleven years ago, it wasn’t so horrible.

I must say my hair never covered my breast. I kept it long but longer than this it was terrible to detangle it.

One day I saw a girl with a beautiful red hair walking downtown in Uberlândia. For some things I’m shy, but never to go after a goal. I wanted that colour. Then I approached her, told her that colour was amazing and asked her how I could find it. She answered and as it was a product found in any drugstore or supermarket I entered one close to where we was and bought it. Of course the result was a dark red, but it was beautiful and I felt happy.

Some years later I tried short hair by the first time. It wasn’t bad. So I kept it and continued changing the haircut since then. It’s curious that my last long haircut was inspired in a cover of Vogue Magazine and the hairstylist made it perfectly. Probably this was the reason I trusted him to try what I really wanted.

In Porto Alegre and Curitiba I found hairstylists with the help of a Orkut community, but although my hairstylist in Curitiba was the best I had, I decided to try to cut my hair by myself. Hair in my nape bother me a lot. First trials I used the same scissors I use to make clothes. The finishing was rough. But I liked that and adopted as a style. Later I bought a machine and scissors to cut it shorter, keeping the asymmetries. This time I was already using natural shades of red hair, bleaching the hair and soon I started to use semi permanent colours, starting with violet and green.

I wanted to create a violet hair with green dots, but I didn’t have such a patience.

Since then I tried many things regarding semi permanent colours. With them I use my hair as a painter use the screen, not as a paint frame. I’ve seen many ideas like this since then, as I manage a page about short hair at Facebook. Some are beautiful, some are vulgar. It’s nice to have options and to choose some elegant ways to be outstanding. And I think to use myself to try new possibilities is inspiring for my readers and followers, because I’m a style consultant who encourages elegant authenticity.

Nycka, the nomad

🇬🇧 Adaptability and nomadism

I saw a girl telling her experience with Uber in Curitiba on Twitter. She said the driver wasn’t from the city and as she said “Good morning” he told her she wasn’t local. It was true. She was from Campinas. If it’s your first time here, both are brazilian cities and I live in Curitiba.

Why did the driver know she wasn’t from Curitiba? In most of brazilian cities people use to say good morning and other little expressions of... humanity. It’s a habit, even when we couldn’t care less if the day will be good for the other. But in Curitiba people just don’t say this for pure habit. I want to believe they say when they care. Being so, I agree with this choice. To do something just for habit is so poor! 

Don’t tell me I’m rude if I’m eating chocolate and don’t offer you a bit. I’m jealous of my chocolate (but if I have two maybe I offer you a bit if you deserve). I’m jealous of my cat and gadgets too. And I’m the best person you’ll ever know. 

Since I moved to Curitiba I had some acquaintances who brought some gifts to me the first time they went to my apartment. Yes, Curitiba is far from being the warmer place in Brazil. It’s probably among the coldest places, not only regarding temperatures but also the behaviour of its citizens. But it have some qualities for those who are not afraid to know different cultures. And, about the cold, some people say the climate is the responsible for people here in the south be so unfriendly. It’s a lie! The cold is the same for all and in the same cities we find nice people and those rude ones.

Once, in Porto Alegre, I was moving to a new apartment and the lady who rented the space for me didn’t tell me there were a schedule to move and I couldn’t do it at night. I moved in an evening with heavy rain. It was around 6:00 PM. The concierge told me I couldn’t enter! 😳😰 While I was trying to find a way for him to allow this, he called the manager of the building. The lady who rented the place for me arrived, leaving to work. The manager arrived first. I tried to explain to him the situation and I called him “moço” (a word in portuguese meaning young man, but often used as people use “guy” in english, and this is the sense I use this word, always). The man just listened to this world and got furious with me. He screamed “Don’t call me ‘moço’. Call me old man, but don’t call me ‘moço’!”🤬. In fact, he wasn’t young. And then? What kind of jerk gets crazy for this? He did. The lady with whom I had negotiated arrived and make him calm and he accepted me moving that hour. Lucky me, I never had to meet the manager again.

I lived in four cities and meet people from the whole world all the time. Long time ago, when I started to use the internet, I knew a muslin girl from abroad and I knew almost nothing about her religion. One day she asked me about typical brazilian food. Brazil is very rich of typical local food in many regions. I chose to tell her about feijoada. My english wasn’t very good, but I could tell her it was a dish made of beans and pieces of pigs. She stopped talking to me for a while. I noticed there was something wrong. So I asked what was the problem. She told me about what had shocked her. I apologised, explained there are many other options of food here, etc, and we kept on chatting.

I like to keep my mind open. Astrology would say it’s because I’m aquarian. It can be. And I believe to live in different places is helpful to understand different people as it exposes us to new realities we cannot experience living all life in the same city, no matter how much we travel.

In each city I had some goal to achieve and then, I went to a new place. This way I practice continuous self-improvement. I think my next destination can keep me there longer, and at the same time to provide me much more excitement and challenges than any other. Along life I’ve been discovering qualities and defects in each place I live and I’m learning to set higher goals according to what I learn.

How do you deal with change? Is the new and unknown scary or exciting for you?

Nycka, the nomad

🇬🇧 Relationships and limits

Last monday I watched part of a TV program and one of the guys discussing about a movie told currently we live a reality where when we don’t like something we want to prohibit that thing. What he told reminded me that many children grow up with this. I mean, our parents (not all) educate us to live as if their limits were an absolute truth. They prohibit the children to do things these kids like, or they ignore them when the kids are doing something they believe it’s unworthy. 

I grew up in a city which is not big. Most parents I knew, being part of an elite, wanted their sons and daughters to study traditional professions like medicine, dentistry and law. They didn’t encourage children to become artists, for example. Yes, when we grow up we can choose many things, but the impact of these moments when parents prohibit or ignore something important to us is enormous.

I was watching the program through a Live on Facebook and I wrote a short comment about this point there. A woman asked me how do I believe must be the democratic way to educate children. I think the path is the same for any healthy relationship: to show your limits as your limits, not something prohibited in any situation. For example, if you’re working and the child is screaming around the house, you can tell her all that noise is bothering you and you need silence to complete your project and then you’ll have some time to play with her. Then, when you finish, go and play as you promised. Other example: the child wants to study piano. No matter how many pianists you know that barely survive or had to give up the dream, no matter your dream was to see your kid as an IT professional developing artificial intelligence in a big company... let the child practice that thing. Maybe she have a talent you and your friends don’t. Let any child be herself.

Are you able to notice the limits your family forced to you? How do you set limits in your relationships? How do you deal with the limits of others?

Nycka, the nomad

🇧🇷 Sobre estudar línguas estrangeiras

Quando comecei a estudar inglês, sem contar as aulas básicas que tinha no colégio, eu tinha 20 anos. Naquele momento eu tinha a impressão que todo mundo com mais de quinze anos já falava inglês. Um colega meu, então com 18, era professor do idioma e me encorajou a estudar. 

Hoje, lendo (e comentando) sobre o tema no Twitter alguém disse que nem todo mundo tem tempo, dinheiro ou oportunidade para estudar outros idiomas. A pessoa me bloqueou quando apontei um argumento contra cada um desses três pontos. Este texto é para quem quer vencer as desculpas e conseguir. Porque eu mesma me dava desculpas para não ter estudado inglês até os 20 anos e hoje vejo que as barreiras estavam em mim e que aquele meu colega me ajudou a rompe-las.

Minha única desculpa era exatamente o dinheiro. Eu ganhava um salário mínimo trabalhando na loja de minhas tias. Não dava para pagar um curso de inglês. E minha avó, com quem eu morava, me dizia não pra coisas muito mais baratas (e que nem eram despesas recorrentes como um curso que deve ser pago mensalmente). Então eu me sentia de pés e mãos atados, mesmo querendo aprender. Pensava em outras coisas, deixava esta vontade escondida sob o tapete, fingia que não estava ali. Minha avó pagou o curso pra mim, mas nem todo mundo tem um parente que tenha recursos pra isso. Ela bancou meu 1º semestre de italiano também. Então me mudei pra fazer o MBA e parei de estudar italiano. E descobri que o governo italiano subsidiava cursos do idioma no Brasil. Descobri onde tinha um curso assim em Porto Alegre, onde eu morava, mas era bem fora de mão. Adiei um pouco mais. Em Curitiba decidi retomar os estudos do idioma de Dante. Pesquisei e descobri uma escola (com o nome do escritor) perto de minha casa, no centro. E fiz um semestre intensivo. A gente pagava a matrícula e o material e cursava o semestre todo. Posteriormente descobri muitos cursos gratuitos ou de baixo custo de idiomas diversos, presenciais e online. Além do mais, quem quer mesmo pode pedir um patrocínio não só de parentes, mas da empresa para a qual trabalha, ou para algum empresário, político, etc. Talvez até funcione alguma proposta de troca de serviços com a escola ou um professor particular. Se é importante e ajuda ao nosso desenvolvimento pessoal e profissional, a gente vai achar um apoio. 

Na mesma época começou a chover trabalho! Sou consultora de estilo e comecei a ter clientes em todo o Brasil. A maioria para atender fora de Curitiba. Tinha duas aulas de italiano por semana e volta e meia tinha de faltar para atender clientes em outras cidades. E para recuperar o conteúdo sozinha antes da próxima aula era insano, mas consegui concluir o semestre. Para a pessoa no Twitter ainda apontei um ponto onde podemos facilmente encontrar tempo. Diminuir o tempo de uso de redes sociais. Eu amo ler, e tenho preferido ler ebooks que livros físicos porque, afinal, trabalho com comunicação digital, e consigo gerenciar o tempo de modo a ler e trabalhar simultaneamente. Mas mesmo para cursos presenciais a gente pode abrir mão de um tempo nas redes sociais. Hoje leio um livro por semana, mais ou menos, participo de um clube de conversação uma vez por semana e passo cerca de quatro horas por dia em redes sociais. Sem abrir mão de outras coisas importantes na vida. Eu, você, o Robert Pattinson e todo mundo temos as mesmas 24 horas no dia.

Quanto às oportunidades, elas surgem para quem acredita nelas, para quem se permite enfrentar as desculpas e encontrar um caminho de verdade em direção a ser a melhor versão de você mesmo. Nada é tão bom que não possa ser ainda melhor.

Nycka, the nomad 

Consultora em personal branding 360°

🇬🇧 About age for humans and animals

Sometimes I find texts or questions about what age would a cat or dog be if it were human. Often I see people worried about how to look younger. This post is about these things linked to age.

Age is one thing, maturity is another. Observing from this point of view, we start observing human beings. We can observe 100 different people with the same age and we’ll find different levels of maturity among them. We can observe 100 people with different ages and it wouldn’t be a surprise to find some young people more mature than many older ones. 

So, about what would be the age of an animal if it were a human, I say it’s not a wise question. The chronological age of humans say nothing important at all. Considering this, how to look younger is a minor problem. People should consider how to be more mature, how to find themselves quickly and how to communicate the best of themselves through their appearances. Because when we discover our own beauty, a beauty much more valuable than any other, chronological age is no longer important.

Nycka, the Nomad