🇬🇧 Those who had traumatic experiences in childhood do not usually have hobbies

Psychologists say that those who had traumatic experiences in childhood do not usually have hobbies. This text is about my childhood and how I dealt with the limitations that were imposed on me.

I'm Nycka Nunes, digital and cultural nomad, and I work as a visual artist, fine art photographer and stylist, in addition to creating content on this blog and on social media. I graduated in advertising.

I started working at 5 years old. I lived with my maternal grandmother for most of my childhood and adolescence.

When I was very young I studied ballet, piano and flute. I lived opposite the music conservatory in my hometown at the time. I've been passionate about piano ever since, but even though they enrolled me in the course, my family never encouraged me and I didn't have a piano to practice with. And I was frustrated with the lack of evolution between one class and another. The other courses I don't even remember wanting. I still reject the flute. I now know that narcissists - and emotionally immature people - tend to do things to impress others. Maybe that's why they enrolled me in these courses and others. To impress others, keep up with the Joneses.

I also liked to draw and I wanted to learn to paint, and I wasn't given any encouragement to do so. To the point where I got to draw only in therapy sessions, in childhood. I only went back to drawing in the first year of college for advertising. And, surprisingly to me, I was drawing well.

Notice that what was important to me, what brought me satisfaction and joy, was not encouraged. In some cases it was even prohibited. And that went beyond art. I remember once asking for a Barbie as a gift and my mother saying that I was no longer a child to play with dolls. I was a child. I started playing with boys, with He-Man and Thundercats dolls. I started playing football. And I continued to allow myself to be a child, even though I had to work and was treated like an adult by my mother and her family.

In the store, they put me in charge of organising the products in stock, hidden from customers. I thought it was boring, I did what had to be done quickly and went to the counter to try to serve customers. Several did not accept my help. I was small, and just as capable of serving them as the adult saleswomen. I knew the names and prices of everything, I knew where each product was, and I even knew better than the others what was in stock because most of the time I was in stock.

In childhood, I found in literature an escape from the annoyance and disrespect I experienced in living with my maternal family.

Unfortunately, for a large part of Brazilian society in inland cities, family is something above good and evil. Even as an adult, when I voiced criticism of abuse committed by family members, several people criticised me. I also got a lot of support when I talked about these bad experiences on social media.

The memories I have of living with my father's family are all good. After my parents' divorce, I started to see my father a lot less, but when he was there he was 100% there, always supporting me, praising me. My paternal grandmother used to talk to me a lot. My uncles also treated me very well, and respected my weird behaviour, for example, being isolated at Christmas parties when there were people I didn't know.

This positive interaction with my paternal family and the literature that took me to different realities than the one I lived with my maternal grandmother were essential for me to deal with the authoritarianism of my maternal grandmother and the cruelty of my mother and my aunts, who always they humiliated me, treated me badly, repeated countless times that I was ugly, stupid, useless, and no matter how good my grades at school or my behaviour were, nothing was good enough.

My self-esteem was low and remained so until I was in my thirties, because I placed too much importance on being loved by my mother's family. Today, if someone doesn't like me, I move on with my life, I've achieved great emotional autonomy. Anyone who doesn't value my qualities doesn't deserve my affection.

As I traveled to my father's farm on the weekends, and there I was always treated well, I really like to travel. I also like to practice individual physical activities (cycling, walking the dog, etc). And to watch football matches, but I usually only watch Palmeiras matches. Sometimes I watch games of some European teams too.

I look for joy and satisfaction in everything I do, and I've learned to be intolerant of certain attitudes. Because satisfaction was something forbidden to me in almost all of my childhood and adolescence. And I don't want to be satisfied only on weekends. That's why I don't limit my satisfaction to hobbies. I do not accept that only they bring me joy and relaxation.

And you, how do you deal with the bad experiences you had in childhood?

Nycka Nunes